I Try
by Jedi Aeryn
Summary: A songfic. J/A Set immediately after DMD, and reflects John's feelings over Aeryn's death.


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Disclaimer: I didn't create the Farscape universe or it's characters. I'm just borrowing them for a while, but I promise to give them back relatively unscathed. Since I did not create this world, any reader is permitted to reproduce this story for their uses, as long as they keep my handle attatched to it. I also did not write, produce, or sing the song "I Try" by Macy Gray. (I can, however, belch it backwards. j/k) I am making no money from its use, so don't sue me. I don't have any money, anyway.  
  
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Rating: PG  
  
Setting: Moya, Uncharted Territories  
  
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Rating: PG  
  
Classification: Shippy  
  
Spoilers: DMD. maybe some others, I dunno.  
  
Setting: DMD On the frozen planet, immediately following Aeryn's funeral.  
  
Summary: John's feelings after Aeryn's funeral.  
  
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Games, changes and fears  
  
When will they go from here  
  
When will they stop  
  
I believe that fate has brought us here  
  
And we should be together  
  
But we're not  
  
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you  
  
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin.  
  
I try to say goodbye and I choke  
  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
  
Goodbye and I choke  
  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
  
I may appear to be free  
  
But I'm just a prisoner of your love  
  
I may seem alright and smile when you leave  
  
But my smiles are just a front  
  
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you  
  
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin  
  
I try to say goodbye and I choke  
  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
  
Goodbye and I choke  
  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
  
Though I try to hide it it's clear  
  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
  
Here is my confession  
  
May I be your possession  
  
Girl* I need your touch  
  
Your love kisses and such  
  
With all my might I try  
  
But this I can't deny  
  
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you  
  
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin  
  
I try to say goodbye and I choke  
  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
  
Though I try to hide it it's clear  
  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
  
*This lyric was changed to fit my story.  
  
  
  
John Crichton continued staring at the corpse of Aeryn Sun long after his shipmates had filed out of the chamber, his eyes fill of tears and his heart in agony. The love of his life lay here, dead, because of him. John felt waves of anguish, then bitterness, then sorrow, then lastly a deep, aching emptiness. Misery in its purest form.  
  
He stepped slowly forward toward her coffin. Its transparent lid was still open, and he gazed down at her. Two fat tears rolled off his cheeks and fell onto her body, splashing into her hair. As though expecting the miraculous resurrection brought about by true love mentioned in fairy tales, John looked longingly at her face. But there was no instant flicker of life. Only stillness. Cold, lonely stillness.  
  
John opened his mouth, wanting to say anything to the woman he loved. He snapped it shut again, unable to speak those seven letters that have hurt so many. Biting his lip, he turned to walk away from her body, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He turned back to her, then fell to his knees beside her coffin.  
  
He mumbled to himself at first, then he began speaking gently to Aeryn. "My world is destroyed now, Aeryn Sun," he choked. "You were the only thing that ever mattered to me. I was a prisoner in your heart, but I had no desire to escape from it. I was open about how I feel about you, but maybe not open enough. I hid my true feelings behind the mask of a friendly smile, not the expression of pure love and desire that you deserve. You were always with me in my dreams and you still will be. And I confess, I miss you already. I need you to be there with me through everything. Aw hell, Aeryn, I just plain need you. I love you."  
  
The tears were flowing freely now. John shuddered, the raised himself to a shaky standing position. He was leaning heavily on the coffin. He looked down at her face. Her eyes, though closed, seemed to be peering out at him, asking him why she had to die. Asking him why he had never done anything to prove his affection or worthiness to her. Asking him why.  
  
John leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on her icy lips. More tears splashed onto her body, but he no longer cared. He reached over and closed the lid to the freezer-like coffin. "I try," he whispered.  
  
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End file.
